The

Trump Dump

column

 

A new NOLAscape department.

Do we mean Trump is dumping on us? Or let’s dump Trump? Or dump your  old Trump junk?

How about all three?

The NOLAscape Trumpster is a free public service to help recovering Republicans rejoin normal society. Parked right outside our new high rise building on Chartres St. in Bywater’s vibrant Riverfront Overlay zone, the distinctive industrial strength bin for memorabilia of busted ideologies offers more than preservation. We offer rebirth!

Just throw that embarrassing Trump junk in the Trumpster. Old #MAGA hats, bumper stickers, T-shirts, long red ties, placards, erotic pictures of Melania or Ivanka – chuck them in anonymously and wander off with an innocent expression. Do it now to give the neighbors time to forget. Think about your future. You might be able to use “witch hunt” to shore up your illusions through “collusion” or even obstruction of justice, but you don’t want to get caught with an attic full of fan gear gone wrong when the money laundering charges come down.

For your safety, we won’t take it to the regular landfill. We’ll bury it with the used needles and toxic waste. NOLAscape cares for even the most strayed of our flock.

Recovering Trump victims need kindness. We will help smooth your reacquaintance with reality.

(One little thing: be a bit careful of the Neighbors First anti-architecture protesters. They get grouchy.)

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Okay, that takes care of the Trump Dumpers.

The Dump Trumpers, though – they are in a pretty frantic field. Posting even once a day may not keep up with the erupting geyser of fragrant muck spraying droplets of decay, making dark rainbows that eat the light. Already a twisted complex of compensated mental distortions, Trump is now being driven crazy by Robert Mueller and some congressional committees chasing him around the maypole, while he acts out displaced revenge snapping at Sessions, and Sessions chases mayors and cops, and Stephen Miller tries to break into the circle, and Bannon is in the hall working on the tantric pose the Mooch recommended for him, and Kelly tries to get them to stand in a straight line, and Congress checks whether it is safe to pull their pants back up yet . . . Boys, we got us a caucus race!

Do you think Acting President Kelly will be able to keep his cranky patient under control, while he gatekeeps the Oval? He said he is not going to control the biggest kid, but he is a Marine General. Leopards and spots. I reckon Catch 22 is Kelly’s management textbook for the Trump Family White House and Day Care Center.

Kelly is going to run the Major Major Major game – he’s only in when he’s out. When he is in, though, he’s out. If that is not clear, the paperback is just $9.48 on Amazon – strangely cheaper than the Kindle edition at $11.99. Maybe it’s a Washington Post discount. Sarah Sanders and Stephen Miller will tell us that General Kelly assures that the President is not drugged and is free to walk around his office and change channels,

Invest the $9.48 in a re-read. Re-meet Yossarian and General Dreedle and General Peckem, Colonel Cathcart and Colonel Moodus. They will remind us who the enemy is and how the Trump administration works.

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Okay, the Trump Dump program is open for business.  Is deplorability cultural or congenital? We’ll find out. NOLAscape is built on nothing if not hope. And change.

And please come and visit the new Café ‘Scape veranda bar on the eighth floor, for great views over the river and Crescent Park.

© NOLAscape 2017

 

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