Trumpty Dumpty

What’s Trumpty Dumpty up to with this DACA game? Just jumping up and down on his beautiful little wall, doing “Look at me!” while waiting for his great fall? Maybe he stretched out in the cool light of the full moon, alone at last, ready for some serious self-satisfaction. Russian women, Obama and Michelle, and maybe some lovely Latina Dreamers. Maybe even a few tasteful sprinkles on him holding a copy of the DACA executive order. The girls even looked a bit like Ivanka . . . the Russian ones, not the Mexicans.

John Kennedy could have smuggled the Russians into the White House but Trumpty has to handle it himself. In the morning, a change of underwear, a quick jig on the wall and ready for another day of pissing people off. Heh heh heh.

Wait a minute though. Swamp Herald Sarah Charisma and @RealTrumpty’s own tweets say the DACA decision must go to Congress because it is a legislative job. Obama’s executive order was illegal, says Team Trumpty. May be second-level deflection but before you dig into that, back when Muslim bans were his latest outrage, didn’t the echo chamber say immigration control was the president’s prerogative? Didn’t Stephen Miller, Trumpty Dumpty’s external lizard brain, say that in matters of immigration, the president’s authority “shall not be questioned”?

I can’t claim any legal cred beyond having watched pretty much every episode of Boston Legal, so maybe some generous expert will help me out here: isn’t executive authority beyond question a different notion than saying it’s up to Congress? I don’t know, they just don’t seem like the same sort of idea to me.

I guess ol’ Dumpty is having fun with Congress, too, throwing a chunk of red immigration meat into the cage for them to snarl over, so he can do some fun tweeting.

In Trumpty-world, until the Great Fall we are waiting for, unquestionable prerogative and not-my-problem both look good. The Muslim ban and cancelling DACA both stick it to people that alt-idiots don’t consider “white”, so they can hoot and grunt and hop up and down in synch, affirming Trump as alpha-yuck of the primate insurgency.

Even a moral vacuum like the Dumpster knows cancelling DACA is wrong, but by passing the buck to Congress, if they blow it, he can say he won and kept his deplorable promise; if Congress miraculously manages to show up and fix it, he can say he tried but the mainstreamers scuppered his great #MAGA intentions. Elect him again; he’ll fix it next time. Richard Nixon used that trick to extend the Vietnam murder circus a few years. When the time comes, Trump can take credit both for kicking the young people out and for letting them stay.

Emotional common ground: the outcomes of Muslim bans and Dreamer deporting are cruel, stupid, meaningless, stir people’s pots, hog the headlines and block the view of other sand castles he is kicking over. Both are splashes in the infested paddling pool of Trumpty’s only consistent idea: to dump on Obama. Pay him back. Uppity bugger, born in Africa, flashing a forged Harvard degree. Pay his ass back for eviscerating me – me! the great orange ape himself – at the correspondents’ dinner in 2011.

Trumpty wants to show his people that wit, intelligence and grace are no match for mirror-view, money-fueled ignorance, madness and stupidity unleashed. Asshole Power!

Where was I? Oh, yes: legal coaching. If the Dreamers’ case has to go to Congress for legislative solution, doesn’t that ipso facto and in spiritu iuridico invalidate all the Muslim bans and much of the malignity of Bannon and Miller?

Well, I think so. Trump just handed immigration back to Congress

How did Trumpty get up on that wall anyway? Who held the ladder?

© NOLAscape September 2017

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